The meaning of authenticity is “the quality of being real or true” Now being real or true is a very subjective subject, what is true for one may not be so for the other, and thus comes the question of honesty and authenticity. For the longest time I would mistake one for the other and never know the difference between the two. Honesty is about telling the truth externally, while authenticity is about being true to yourself internally, aligning your external behavior with your genuine feelings, values and identity even when it is difficult or uncomfortable. It is more about truth BEING vs truth telling. That’s what separates the subject from the object, authenticity uses your truth as the internal compass, while honesty is debatable as your telling the truth, may not be absolute, but a projection of your experience, consumed differently by the receiver. Operating out of authenticity is something which you don’t need to be apologetic or need to prove, as its your internal compass guiding you on your path, softly but surely.

Then came the question – how and when do you know the real you? What values, desires, goals drive you? Is it factual, descriptive, is it a destination or an evolving journey?  

As unconscious beings we are running to fit an image about ourselves, created by familial & societal conditioning of what we should be like, look like and behave like, this version keeps us safe. But beyond the layers of conditioning and the roles we play, there lies a being who is waiting to be seen and heard. This being has desires, dreams and certain values which energizes them. This part of us is really the inner compass, who operates from a bunch of values which remain consistent through our lives, the fuel which drives our choices, our goals and our desires. But this inner GPS is usually silenced by either familial structures, or the roles we don to fit into the larger framework of family, societal units and keep peace and stay safe. We fear the world labelling us as being too much or too little so we continue to operate in the safe median, to remain comfortable and survive. There comes a time when something starts feeling heavy within us, to shake things up and touch the deepest workings of our inner being, to touch this version  who has shrunk and silenced, to feel alive again.

This feeling of wanting to be alive can be dealt with, with either noise – surrounding yourself with intense activity, people, goals, achievements, and applause that you are expecting out of it all, or silence – a softening of your being, understanding the working of your inner world, to touch the inner essence – the authentic self.

The path often taken is that of noise, to fake it till you make it. To ride an alternate world of your making. Where you can project a life, a version of yourself which you fantasize about. A curated series of acts and attempts to create an image or illusion for the other through storytelling and narration, or highlighting the parts that appear desirable, inspirational and larger than life. That is being caught into the web of Maya – or illusion, and I have been part of that web as well. There was a time where I was using social media as my armour. I started filling a picture of my making, where I filter out the mundane, everyday routine and start highlighting the dots and dashes of the writing of my life. The script is barely understood but the dots and dashes in the air make a lyrical story of celebration, travel, meaning, connection and a string of many happy incidents strung to create a badge of aspiration and acceptability for myself and the other. The other is everyone outside of me, whom I want to accept me, love me, respect me and be in awe of me. This brings me to the Advaita philosophy of the world is an Illusion! The outside world being a projection of our inner world – when I want the other to accept me, love me, respect me, what is actually happening is that I need me to love me, accept me, and be in awe of me – not some version of myself which I intend to be, to love and accept myself for. My inner world is so empty and void of love and acceptance that it makes so much noise in the outer world! Its like quicksand, keeps consuming you, unless you don’t loosen its grip on you, and start facing the harsh inner truth of the void, leading to disease and mental health troubles.

This shift for me didn’t happen over a conversation or writing a piece of self-reflection in my journal. Piecing the pieces of my life puzzle has been my journey over the last couple of years, each experience helping me put another piece together in the scape of my being. I have shed many layers of the perception of me, to peel the sub surface layers. First layer of the “idea of me” what I should be and what my life should’ve looked like. Second the “Acceptance of me” the most rigid and difficult layer to maneuver. Especially remember a time when I did a Digital marketing course in 2022, the idea being that I have been a traditional marketer all my life, now with an upskilling course, I can be employable and go back to the course and fit back into the “Image of me” which I was carrying and hoping to fit into someday soon. The moment I sat down to write my updated resume, to send to a couple of companies, I suddenly felt a jolt of energy in my chest, something bolting inside of me. The feeling that I experienced was a reckoning of sorts, that in the last couple of years, I have expanded so much in my being – that I cant fit my experience in a single page resume, and definitely not in a Corporate role, which will ask me to shrink myself to fit a pre conceived role and identity. This was my moment of truth, to operate from a place of Authenticity – a place deep within which had arisen back to talk with me, only for me to listen and act on its instinct. It’s been a painful experience to say the least, to meet the authentic version of me, which is still forming itself, sometimes appearing confident, at other times with doubt and precaution.

My learnings of authenticity are starting to come from a felt sense now, my intuitive energy, has heightened during this journey, and I am listening astutely to my inner voice, learning to trust, to surrender and not let fear grip me with the thoughts of consequences. I am learning to trust if I should inhabit a place, role, or a relationship the way I have been used to doing it, or can I act out of sovereignty in terms of giving and getting. My values are guiding me increasingly, as a result of which many things are falling off the radar, friends who consumed me to the extent of draining me, relationships that asked too much of me, Identities that I wore like a badge of honor began disintegrating to ease the load, and removing the fluff to reveal the actual need and what I want to give. My time if freeing up as I don’t feel the need to participate in every drama – learning to draw boundaries of what is not mine to carry. 

Flow, intuition, my inner self feeling safe are my north stars, my trust in them is gradually developing as I walk this path. Carefully treading to protect my energy, softly, imperfectly, subtly, but surely. 

There are days, when I feel a bag of nerves, and I acknowledge it and give myself time to let it pass. In all of these days of learning and being, I am learning the nature of authenticity in being vulnerable, imperfect and  messy but real all the same. I allow it, and like a flow of tap, more comes out of it freely and uninhibited, that it’ll become my nature again. I feel the expansion of my being, to accommodate all the interests I want to pursue, to create spaciousness that there is no urgency, there is potential in this space. 

The space I am inhabiting is soft, in flow and definitely the narration doesn’t need a platform like Instagram. My playground is my everyday interactions, with my family, my friends, the people on the road, strangers and loved ones alike… not threatening me, not judging me, as I see the merging of the inner and outer world. Authenticity is definitely a journey evolving and winding through life, making you see the world with your eyes.